Fates Supports/Niles Effie
Niles: Effie, what's with the cold stare?! It's giving me chills... I find it oddly thrilling.
Effie: SIT DOWN, YOU CREEP!
Niles: O-ho! Where is this fit of passion coming from?
Effie: I hear you've been teaching filthy words to Lady Elise!
Niles: ...Not true. Why would I waste time doing that?
Effie: Don't you even think about lying to me! I can tell. I've heard Lady Elise say some things I will not repeat—things I have heard from you!
Niles: Really?! How fascinating. Do you have any examples?
Effie: Yesterday, she invited me to her "secret lair" and offered me some "saucy snacks." When I told her I must decline, she said, "Why are you always such a tease?" It's obvious where this is coming from... YOU!
Niles: It's sort of adorable when you think about it... Wouldn't you say?
Effie: It's absolutely appalling! You will not repeat dirty language in front of Lady Elise again!
Niles: Oh, really?!
Effie: ...OH, REALLY. You do that again, and this happens.
Niles: I'm sorry. Did you just crush an apple with your bare hand? It sort of looked like—
Effie: Keep your filthy tongue away from Lady Elise, or next time, it will be your head!
Effie: Niles, I can't believe you! After all that, you still can't keep your word! Why don't you tilt your head a little to the left? It will make for a cleaner blow.
Niles: Wha? Effie...w-wait! There seems to be some confusion...
Effie: There's no confusion! You've been saying filthy things in front of Lady Elise again. I'm about to make applesauce!
Niles: Effie, STOP! Let's talk this over. Is it really so bad if Lady Elise sounds a bit like me?
Effie: Lady Elise is a member of the royal family. She's a princess of Nohr! She can't go around talking like a hoodlum! As her retainer and friend, I won't allow it!
Niles: Oh, I see. Now she's your friend...?
Effie: Don't even try to change the subject!
Niles: No, this is fascinating. Do you give her tasty, little presents on her birthday?
Effie: Of course! I always give Lady Elise a gift.
Niles: I see. ...And how do you know what to buy?
Effie: I ask her for hints.
Niles: Oh, so now it's a guessing game! ...And if she says, "Just get me anything"...?
Effie: Then I take it as my personal mission to do some research. I take stock of all of her possessions, noting favorite colors and such... I write down ideas every time we shop. What things did she linger over?
Niles: Oh...lingering? I like this.
Effie: We're getting really off track. What exactly are you up to?
Niles: Nothing... Nothing at all! I'm just leaving now. I'll be on my best behavior. Promise!
Effie: Niles! I can't believe the things you've been saying in front of Lady Elise! Did you forget everything we talked about?
Niles: Now, wait a minute, Effie! There's no need to jump down my throat! I was just helping Lady Elise with her little problem...
Effie: What problem?
Niles: Lady Elise needed help picking out a gift for Lord Leo's birthday. She asked for my help. I AM his retainer after all.
Effie: Oh. So you weren't teaching her naughty words then?
Niles: No. I was merely giving her advice. She picked up some of my phrases on her own. I've never paid attention to Lord Leo's interests, so Lady Elise and I talked often. That is, until you gave me a few ideas. They were most helpful. I'm in your debt.
Effie: Wow. I should apologize. I had no idea you had redeeming qualities. Niles, tilt your head this way.
Niles: What? I thought we agreed! There's no need to give me the apple treatment!
Effie: I'm going to give you a little peck.
Niles: WHAT?! Wouldn't a handshake be more appropriate?
Effie: Yes, it would. But the last time I shook a man's hand, I crushed it by accident.
Niles: How about we leave it at "Thanks." No crushed apples. No broken bones...
Effie: All right. Thank you, Niles. You're a more honorable man than I realized...
Effie: Niles, what's wrong? Is it Lady Elise again?
Niles: No. This isn't about her. This is about you and me. Effie, you have filled me with a burning desire—
Effie: I'm sorry...wha?! I've got a burning desire to turn your head into applesauce!
Niles: Effie, wait! I'm not trying to offend you. Can't you see what I'm holding?
Effie: Niles, is that a...wedding ring? I thought you were teasing!
Niles: No. I've been fantasizing about this day for a while now... Trying to imagine what you've got under all of that armor...
Effie: A tunic! A very heavy tunic.
Niles: You KNOW that's not what I meant! I'm talking about under your clothes.
Effie: Niles, seriously?! You have the dirtiest mind! Can't you keep it clean long enough to propose?
Niles: Wow. You're the one thinking naughty thoughts! I was talking about your heart.
Niles: You've got that tricksy, little heart buried beneath a lot of armor. Even now, I have no idea how you feel about me!
Effie: ...Well, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Niles, give me that ring! I love you. ...But you better be on your best behavior! One misstep, and your brain is mush!
Niles: Well, well, don't you have a way with words? I'll do my best not to be crushed!