Xenologue: EXPonential Growth (Script)

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Before Battle Conversation

Chrom
Where are we...?

Anna
Ah, bonjour! You are een ze Outrealms--a place where all your fantazees come true. We have more exotic adventures here zan you can shake ze steek at! ...Do not worry. I weel not tell ze wives.

Chrom
Er...Anna? Are you feeling all right? You seem different...

Anna
Nonsense! Do not confuse me weez some real-life acquaintance! I am très different. Maybe, how you say..."alternotte" of one you know? Hon hon!

Chrom
Oh. I see. ...I think.

Anna
However, I am een need of ze help! Could you destroy ze Entombed zat are pouring out of zees ruins? Zey have been raiding our village and stealing all ze crops from ze fields!

Chrom
That's terrible! ...Wait, there's a village inside the ruins? How is that even possible? And wait... What kind of a monster zombie thing eats vegetables?

Anna
Zey are alternotte, too, chérie! Eet is ze alternotte world!

Chrom
Right. Well, um... Look, we have urgent matters to attend to in our own world. If we lent you some weapons, I'm sure you could take care of a few corpses...?

Anna
Moi? I am just ze poor defenseless woman pretending to have ze ridiculous accent! I cannot actually do ze fighting. *Sigh* A pity... If you cannot help, I weel just have to wait for ze next passersby. Meanwhile, ze villagers will starve... I can peekture ze lamentations of ze women and ze children even now...

Chrom
Oh gods, now you're starting to sound like Hubba...

Anna
"Zat pumpkin, he was like ze son to me! And now he haz been eaten!"
"Mama, ze children in ze other villages have potatoes, but not me!"
"Mon amour, I warned you not to dress like ze tomato! Show me zose bite marks..."

Chrom
What? Why would anyone...? That doesn't even make sense! ...Fine. FINE. We'll kill all the damn creatures for you. All right?

Anna
Whoa there, buddy--take it easy. I just work here. Besides, it ain't all charity. You'll gain plenty in the bargain, too. Takin' out them Entombed'll earn ya a lot more you know what.

Chrom
...No, I'm afraid I don't know what?

Anna
Ah, well. You'll figure it out. You'd better hurry, though. Those Entombed are sure to be dashin' for the exits, toot sweet. *Ahem* Zat is to say, tout de suite! Bon chance! Tee hee!

Chrom
Le sigh...

Enter Battle Conversations

Main Characters

Avatar(M/F)
Fighting vegetarian zombies ought to make for an interesting experience...... Experience? Wait, could that be the bonus reward she was talking about?

Chrom
Shooing miscreants away from crops? Am I back in my early Shepherd days? Still, I've vowed to help people in need, so help I shall!

Lissa
Not another step, potato molester! Stealing food is wrong! Well, I guess I sometimes steal sweets from my brother's pack. ... And gold. But that is totally not the same thing. It's time for you to die, die, die!

Frederick
An unusual enemy like this ought to yield ample experience. Perhaps these foes should be left to units with more room to grow than me. But that doesn't mean I'll hold back if they stand in my way!

Virion
I heard somewhere that the Entombed are like the Risen's nobles. Not very noble of you to purloin carrots and cabbages from the weak, though. I fear I must bury you in the name of upper-class beings everywhere!

Sully
Oh, so you like picking other people's veggies? Try picking on me instead! ...What's wrong? Not so keen on more...meaty targets? Har! Good thing you're made of fertilizer, 'cause I'm gonna kick the crap outta ya!

Vaike
Does no one find it strange that there are so many corpses waddling around? Er, not that the Vaike can't handle it. The Vaike can handle anything. We'll see who puts more of you back in the ground: Chrom or ol' Teach!

Stahl
Um, why do you keep staring at me and drooling? Oh gods! It's my hair, isn't it? It reminds you of a vegetable! Well, I'm NOT a vegetable, so...so...Augh, stop licking your lips!

Miriel
Well, aren't you an edifying specimen. You resemble closely the mummified dead of our world, but I see potential. Killing you ought to yield ample rewards both for myself and science in general.

Kellam
All this talk of troublemakers in the fields reminds me of home. We certainly got our share on the farm, what with no men to guard the land. Well, I was there, but the ravagers acted like they never even saw me...

Donnel
Ya done picked the wrong day to mess with farmers! Our crops are like our babies! We even give 'em names! Ya hear that? Vegetables have souls, ya darn baby killers! ...Argh! CHARGE!

Sumia
Wait! Y-you shall not pass! I may not be the deftest knight in the group, but I can put you in your place! Now regurgitate those vegetables, or...Ew, wait. No! Don't do that!

Lon'qu
Now you're a piece of work. Got a lot to gain by picking on the weak, is that it? ... Well, so do I.

Ricken
I've never seen foes like you. I imagine taking you down would teach me a lot. Wait--that's it! If I defeat you, I'm sure to grow by leaps and bounds! Then no one will treat me like a kid! Oh, this is gonna be fun...

Maribelle
Have you no shame? Ransacking other people's property is so low class! Perhaps if you apologized, I might overlook your transgressions...What's wrong? Bandages in your mouth? Oh well!

Panne
You dead-spawn like vegetables, mmm? Then perhaps you like...carrots? That pathetic look on your face seems to indicate otherwise. A shame. For a moment there, I thought we might get along...

Gaius
Just between you and me? I've robbed a village or two myself, before... I totally get where you're coming from. Er, except for the whole veggies thing. Unfortunately, these guys are paying me to have a double standard. Tough luck!

Cordelia
Interesting... These dead things would make exceptional training dummies. Though personally, I'd prefer to better myself using more challenging methods. But if my lord needs faster results, I am certainly happy to oblige.

Gregor
Attacking crop thieves brings back many colorful memory! Gregor only needed to flex muscles, and bad men run crying to mother. *Sniff* Was good times...

Nowi
I sometimes pick stuff off the ground and eat it, too. But never other people's property! That's just rude. Guess it's time for Nowi teach you some proper manners!

Libra
It is a terrible sin to impede the hard work of honest folk. Repent now, and I may be inclined to... ...... You're just going to sit there and moan a lot, aren't you? Right. I suppose I'll just end you and let the gods sort it out, then.

Tharja
A bandaged corpse like you would make for an excellent vict-- Er, guinea pig. But I suppose Robin would frown on my letting you live. Oh well. I promise I won't make it hurt. ...Much.

Olivia
They look strong...and their limbs are so...wr-wriggly... But taking one down would make me a lot stronger, I know. I have to give it a shot. The others are counting on me!

Cherche
My, aren't you a darling. What a shame we stand here as enemies. Minerva would have loved to have such an adorable playmate. As it stands, I cannot let you pass. Even the cute must pay their dues.

Henry
Dead things! I love dead things! Especially when I get to kill them again. That's a very special experience. Ooh! After I kill you, do you think you could get back up again? Pleeeease?!

Say'ri
I see corpses walk even in the Outrealms. What tricks do the dead know here, I wonder? Perhaps my blade can find the answer.

Basilio
I've fought some strange customers, but you're my first vegetarian zombie. Wait till everyone back in Ferox hears about this! Ba ha ha!

Flavia
Snacking on vegetables? Sounds like you're flouting the monster rulebook. While I admire you going your own way, I have no patience for thieves. But you can die knowing no less than a khan has slain you!

Anna
Wrecking someone's inventory is as bad as murder in my book! My merchant's heart goes out to that shockingly lovely field keeper. You'll pay for your crimes!

Tiki
I suppose you like vegetables because they're healthy. You want to live longer, yes? I know. There's just one catch... You already died ages ago!

Children Characters

Lucina
Entombed in the Outrealms? They must have come from my future. ...Gods, their journey was rougher than mine if they've turned to vegetables. Such unnatural suffering must be ended with all due haste.

Owain
Hold, thou plunderer of the fruits of earthen fertility! I have come from another plane to send you a painful message! ... Actually I just have nothing better to do. Now die, fiend!

Inigo
Mummies here, mummies there...Why can't I gain experience from seducing lasses? It's so unfair. Aaaaargh! Why are you so close? And why are you puckering your LIPS?!

Brady
Care to explain why you're starin' at me all starry eyed, ya big mope? Just 'cause I look like a bad egg don't make me your friend. Now die, before we give people the wrong idea!

Kjelle
Face me, creature of the dead! I see the resolve in your eyes... Your defeat shall be to my betterment. ...Nothing to say? I thought not. En garde!

Cynthia
You know what happens to monsters who ruin other people's property? I happen - that's what! Those onions were like FAMILY to the farmers! *Sniff* It just brings t-tears to my eyes. Oh, you're gonna pay!

Severa
What a joke this battle is! I hate chores. Be a good boy and die quickly. And be happy someone PRETTY is killing you!

Gerome
I imagine Minerva would find you to be a most excellent playmate.Alas, this is not playtime. I must cut you down where you stand.

Morgan(M)
Hmm... I wonder what that woman meant by "you know what." No doubt Mother's figured it out by now. I'll just have to get my answer the hard way, I suppose!

Morgan(F)
Hmm... I wonder what that woman meant by "you know what." No doubt Father's figured it out by now. I'll just have to get my answer the hard way, I suppose!

Yarne
Eek! They look even tougher up close...Y-you're a taguel-slayer, are you? Trying to make me extinct, is that it? Well...Y-YOU FIRST!

Laurent
You're the first Entombed I've known to prefer the blood of tomatoes to flesh. I must commend you for your heathly life choices. However, destroyers of other people's property must pay the price.

Noire
Eek! Hungry monsters are gonna nibble at me like an overripe aubergine! ...WE'LL SEE WHO DEVOURS WHO! TASTE JUDGMENT, CROP-MUNCHER!

Nah
Mmm... I smell stew. Delicious! *sniff, sniff* Oh, is that coming from you? You stew the vegetables right in your belly? That's... completely foul. ... So why is it still making me hungry?

Spotpass Characters

Gangrel
Look at you! Getting knocked off for tousling a few turnips. And here I thought MY life wasn't worth a damn... I got away for crimes far worse for far longer!

Walhart

Yen'fey

Emmeryn

Aversa

Priam

After Battle Conversations

Anna
Et voila! Ze Entombed are no more!

Chrom
Indeed. And we're all stronger for the experience. It was actu--

Anna
Oh, zat's nice. But ze Entombed spring up like weeds, oui? So come back anytime you are looking for ze shallenge! No doubt ze villagers weel weep tears of joy to zee you again.

Chrom
Right. Because we can save their precious vegetables... Vegetables they somehow grow amidst stony ruins... Vegetables threatened by...vegetarian...monsters...

Anna
Exactement! Zee you again zoon, monsieur!